Two is better than One..

Hey there! I always find myself opening my blog and typing something here when someone hurts me. Lol.



So this will be another letter for my baby Xavi,

Dear Xavi, 

Few weeks from now I am going to welcome you.

I keep on asking myself if I am ready

I am ready to push hyou out and to all of the pain that I might feel when you come out, but I think I will never be ready to be your mom.

I'm sorry baby if I always cry at night.

This is just too much to handle for me.

This is stressing me out.

And I have no one to talk to.

I feel like I'm all alone in this battle.

It's so hard to keep everything in yourself when you really wanted to burst out.

It's hard to pretend that everything is okay when it's not.

It's hard to keep my heart strong when everyone breaks it.

It's hard not having support from your family.

It's even harder to pretend that everything they say is okay.

Hard to make yourself not to listen to every people's gossip about you.

Hard to fake a smile when all the blame and disgust is what they made you feel.

I never wanted to be in this situation.

But I never want to abort you or hurt you.

Hard not to think what my future might have been if this thing never happened.

Hard seeing my classmates post pictures about them graduating while I on the other hand keeps on hiding.

It's hard to pretend that all is well when the fact is this is killing me.

I know our Family is there to support us. But I am not emotionally stable and all I want now is someone who could understand me.

I'm sorry if I can't give you everything every child mostly needs.

I'm sorry if I failed to give you one.

One person told me, I am too immature and I need a lot of growing up to do.

Maybe he is right.

A 20yo like me can never handle this kind of situation. 

Pregnant and alone.

So it's me and you against the world

I'll do my best to be the best mom.

I can be your Mommy, Sister and your Friend.

I might need a lot of growing up to do but I know in my heart that I can do my best on raising you.

When I first found out that I was pregnant, I know for a fact taht whatever happens I'll let you live, but then maybe I wasn't that ready to face all the consequences of this. 

But then baby,

I will do my best to be the mom you can be proud of.

I will raise you and I will always be there for you.

I will never leave you.

And if ever your dad comes to see you,

I'll be happy.

But then. What matters now is that,

You and Me forever :')

I love you so much and I never regret the day when I decided to let you live.

Gosh, I cant just accept the fact that you gave me lots of stretch marks!!!!!

But for you baby,

I will stand strong.

I will finish school for you,

Find a job where I can give whatever you need.

I live my life for you.

Cause,

I love you my daughter.