2014!!!!?
Wow. It's so surreal that we are now ending the year 2014 and will start a new year tomorrow.
2014 brought me a lot of life changing experiences. Experiences that somehow made me a better and strong person. This year made me choose between things I never thought that will happen in my life.
I can reminisce how I started my 2014.
I can still remember being busy processing my papers to America. A book offer, the travel, the crazy bitch roommates, coming home, financial problems, lots of heartbreaks.
It was indeed a crazy drive this 2014
There was this one person who broke my heart, me coming to Maine and spending 4 months being independent. Me coming to California and experienced lots of good things, me visiting Las Vegas and once in my life experienced being free and wild.
But a lot of unexpected things also happened this year of my life.
Things that will change me forever.
I stopped school for a reason that something unexpected happened.
Of course I am not yet ready and will never be ready.
I think my life shattered into tiny little pieces when I confirmed that this is not a dream anymore.
Yes, I got pregnant.
 |
| 5 months pregnant |
 |
| 6 months pregnant |
No one ever thought that this will happen to me.
I first found out when I went back from USA.
I took a lot of tests and all positive.
I am a graduating student, and of course I'm not yet ready, abortion came up to my mind but I never thought of doing it. God no. I cant.
So I tried to keep everything for myself for five months.
Of course, I experienced alot.
Morning sickness, cravings, mood swings, nausea, headaches, difficulty in breathing,
Stress, depression, scared that someone might find out, afraid of what will people say.
Afraid that I failed my family, that i cannot graduate.
Afraid to face the fact that I'm going to be a mom.
I experienced things like not going out of the house that someone might found out and make gossips about me. I experienced going to the doctor alone for my check-up since my family doesn't know yet.
Experienced begging to someone for help.
Now that I am writing this, I am on my 32nd week and few weeks from now I'm going to give birth to a baby girl named Xaviera Ysabelle.
Being pregnant is not easy.
I tried to grasp the fact that I'm going to be a mom.
hopefully a great, happy and fun mom.
All I want for my baby Xavi is to grow healthy, happy, and God-fearing.
I am excited to meet her and to build new memories with her.
I may not give everything she wants,
everything a child needs,
but I'll do my best to be the best mom that I can ever be.
Now that 2014 ends, I want everything to be left behind.
All the heartaches, the pain, the what-if's, what could have been.
And everything and every personwho are meant to be left behind in the past.
Being pregnant is not easy.
I tried to grasp the fact that I'm going to be a mom.
hopefully a great, happy and fun mom.
All I want for my baby Xavi is to grow healthy, happy, and God-fearing.
I am excited to meet her and to build new memories with her.
I may not give everything she wants,
everything a child needs,
but I'll do my best to be the best mom that I can ever be.
Now that 2014 ends, I want everything to be left behind.
All the heartaches, the pain, the what-if's, what could have been.
And everything and every personwho are meant to be left behind in the past.
I am going to face 2015 with my baby.
And whatever happens, I know I can survive.
I just wish 2015 will be our year!
Xoxo,
Nicole
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