So today, I watched The Age of Adaline.
I can say, it was the best film I had for ages. I can hardly remember when's the last time I watched a movie.
It was a good film and that film thought me one thing.
To Face My Fears.
If you're asking why?
You better watch the film and maybe you'll gonna agree with me
:)
After watching the said film, I scanned my Facebook and there I saw one of my classmate back in highschool named Alexa. She has a two year old kid and she wasn't able to finish school because she got pregnant. (Like me)
I saw some pictures of her at the airport, and then I messaged her asking where she's going.
She told me she's going abroad to work.
I asked what kind of work, and she told me she's going to work as a waitress.
Then I asked about her kid, and she told me, its all for her son.
I feel sad. Sad because I know the feeling of being away with your kid even just for a couple of hours. I know the feeling having no money and thinking of better ways to have money. I know the feeling of being a mom who wants the best for her kid.
I keep on lying to myself all most about everything. I keep on telling that everything's gonna be okay even though I know it will never be.
I keep on lying around people asking where Zavi's dad is.
I keep on lying to everyone to keep my deep secrets.
I keep on lying because I am a mom and I don't want them to pity my kid.
Zavi's dad and I will never work out.
How can something work out if you both don't put an effort to make something work?
How can something last long if you don't love it?
How can you keep something you don't even love?
Zavi's dad and I was absolutely and totally strangers to each other when we first met.
We never had this sweet, romantic date.
We never even had a good conversation even just for an hour.
We were two people,
We both made a beautiful mistake once
And that mistake led me to something right and taught me my purpose in life,
that is to be a Mom.
I can say Zavi's dad also tried to make everything work,
I guess he is working on it more.
I'm just not that patient about everything that I pushed him away.
Well nt for good but atleast just for now.
My plans now is to finish college at the same time be a working mom.
I need to balance Mommy Works + School + Actual Work.
I am working on it though, to find a good job to atleast have tyhe money to buy our needs.
For now all i want is a good life for my daughter and give her the best future every mom wants her kid to have. She deserve everything.
xoxo
Nicole
P.S.
Sorry I stopped Zavi is just being Zavi so I need to get back to her :)
